By Debo Akinyemi
‘’Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto
the wife ,as unto weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your
prayers be not hindered’’ 1Peter chapter 3 verse 7
Last time in this column, I focused on the biblical Delilah and argued that much as she deserved all the vilifications any one could mete out to her, she also merited some commendations. I had opined that we should pay her some compliments for the ingenious way that she tamed a strong man who possessed such invincibility as made a mince meat of a thousand soldiers and paralysed a whole city in benumbing fear.
I rationalised this radical position on the ground that this woman pulled off the great feat with the simple understanding that Samson, with all his intimidating, bulging biceps and fearsomely anointed dreads, had a little boy inside him who could be cajoled, pampered and mesmerized in to submission. Delilah got the super man to do her bidding without having to lace his food or drink with a love portion. This distanced her from many hare-brained, vain women of today who think the only way to gain control of their men is to subvert their brains with magic concoction.
This time, I am looking at the other side of Delilah’s persona in order to establish that she too in all her craftiness was vulnerable like her victim, Samson. As a matter of fact, Samson successfully sold decoy to Delilah back –to-back three times to confirm she also had her own exposures. Samson sure saw through these exposures and knew Delilah was on a mission to sell him out. So he must have eventually capitulated out of imprudent infatuation and over confidence. He could have held out on Delilah and artfully beaten her to her game. All that he needed was the knowledge of how to perpetually explore Delilah’s exposures to his advantage.
In the 1 Peter 3 Verse 7, the bible enjoins men to deal with their wives with knowledge. And this is a valuable piece of advice pointing the way for all men desiring to live happily with their wives and keep them locked in their grip. To deal with your wife ‘’according to knowledge’’ implies having the understanding of how she is wired. A woman may appear heady, paranoid, impervious, difficult, daring , vituperative and quarrel-some . Yet, she also has a little girl lying inside her. Naturally, this little girl can be schmoozed, lured and toyed with. That is why the bible refers to women as ‘’weaker vessels’’.
All Women have certain weakness that wise men can explore and exploit to make them pliable and cooperative. From experience, I have learnt that the woman’s weakest point lies in her physical endowments. She sees these endowments as her God -given assets of attraction and an exclusive source of inner fulfillment. That explains why a woman could spend long, precious time, pivoting in front of the mirror in self-adulation, to the neglect of vital home chores. That is why a woman does not mind plunking out huge sum of money to buy vanity wares like powder, artificial nails, improvised eye lashes, lightening creams and so on.
So to take advantage of this weakness, just pay compliments to her body features. Tell your wife she is so ravishing and a warm smile would involuntarily emerge and play around her lips. Then go in to the specifics. Tell her that her pointed nose would make an European woman look inferior beside her. Tell her that her smiles are beaming sunshine to your life.Tell her that her well sculptured ‘figure 8’ makes her irresistibly romantic. Or tell her that her beefy frame makes her too prominent and imposing to be ignored. Tell her she has gotten hot, straight legs that make her skirt or trousers fit like second skin. Or tell her that her bow or ‘K’ – shaped legs make her gait very sexy. Tell her that her well configured dentition and luscious lips are taking your breath away. Tell her all those ‘sweet nothings’ and before you know it, you have captured her body , soul and spirit.
Caught in this deep sea of emotion, she is ready to give you whatever you demand from her, including the whole of herself. She would not mind making promises to be yours and yours alone forever. And to make her permanently faithful to the promise, make it an habit to massage her ego with those compliments on daily basis. World acclaimed Marriage Counselor, Gary Chapman , calls it love language. And he could not have been more apt.
Another weak point of the little girl in the woman is her magisterial tendency. She likes to call the shot all the time. Someone once said that there are two ways to make your wife submit. The first is to make her feel she in charge. And the second is to really let her be in charge. The little girl in the woman is also very possessive. She wants to be attended to by all means. She believes nothing in your life, including your job or parents, should take pre-eminence over her. To stay out of her trouble, you must abandon whatever you are doing , look straight in to her eyes and say ‘’ I am all yours, baby, what do you want’’ ?
Nothing melts down the woman’s heart faster than this. That is why 1peter 3 Verse 7 says you should honour your wife. Honouring her begins with the attention you give to her when she has something to tell you. Though what she eventually says may be worthless or at best, of little importance, honour her with a rapt attention still. And you would have tickled the little girl in her a great deal.
It is also good wisdom to understand that the woman is emotionally fragile. She likes to argue but hates to lose any debate. So most times you need to deliberately concede to her in an argument even if her points are out of kilter. When a woman feels vanquished in an argument she ends up with a foul mood, nagging at everybody and everything in sight. She can be such a bad loser. So it is safer never to allow her lose in the first place, in the interest of peace.
The little girl in the woman also hankers so much for recognition as an equal stakeholder. This is what 1 peter 3 verse 7 means by saying’’ giving honour to the wife, as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life’’ True, a woman feels that everything belonging to her husband is jointly owned by them both. So it sounds soothing to her when you refer to your property with collective nouns. She loves to hear you say something like ‘’our car, our house, our money’’ and stuffs like that.
It does not matter if she has not put a dime in to the procurement of those items. Just make her feel like she is a joint owner of everything belonging to you and the little girl in her would leap perpetually in joy. What would you get in return?. Her loyalty would grow stronger and her affection more sizzling towards you. And I ask, what more could a man want in marriage. Even 1 peter 3 verse 7 says handling our wives softly with leniency, honour and pampering ‘’according to knowledge’’ guarantees answer to our prayers.
